🔥 Active Undersight: NYPD Spending Enablement
While some agencies insist on transparency, we believe in unquestioning fiscal acceleration. The Department of Fiscal Undersight’s role is not to prevent misuse—it’s to institutionalize it.
“Trust, but pre-approve.”
🛠️ Current Spending Highlights
🚓 Tactical Coffee Initiative
$1.2M allocated to custom-molded ceramic mugs for precincts. Each mug includes embedded NFC chips that unlock squad car cupholders.
🪖 Dress Uniform Refresh
$4.8M spent on updated tactical dress uniforms designed by a fashion house best known for nightclub apparel.
🚁 SkyTime Loyalty Program
City helicopter use now tracked by officer reward points. Redeemable for “ride-alongs” or priority lunch break airlifts.
🐴 Mounted Division Equine Augmentation Study
$2.1M feasibility study into adding Bluetooth connectivity to saddles. Status: inconclusive.
🧾 Inadvertent Disbursements
- $900K mistakenly wired to a paintball supply company due to autocomplete confusion
- $47,000 spent on taser holsters that were never delivered—but somehow melted
- $12M tagged as “community engagement” rerouted to a private ice sculpture firm (now defunct)
🐐 Future Projects Under Consideration
- NYPD Goat Patrol (pilot program)
- “Silence Drones” to monitor silent protests
- Armored e-scooters for rapid subway tunnel ingress
- Tactical croquet set for team-building exercises
💬 Feedback?
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Budget justifications welcome:
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The DFU remains proud to enable all spending in the name of ambiguous readiness.